How To Ask For What You Truly Want & Get It Without Guilt

I’m sitting in a Starbucks talking with my partner about ideas for today’s blog. I’m always interested in what people would like to learn. It’s always a window right into what they feel they are lacking or perhaps struggling with on a deeper level.

I asked her a simple question, “what’s one thing; that if you learned how to do it, would change your life dramatically?” Her answer was communication; specifically, how to ask for things. She proceeded to talk about how she struggled to ask because of the associated guilt she felt when asking.

Personally, I found it resonating with me. I personally see this in myself and a great deal of people I talk to. I’ve been able to narrowing down as to why we feel this way and it goes pretty deep.

I thought this would be a great one to share with you all for inspiration, so I wrote this blog. The power of asking is immeasurable in terms of living a truly successful life. I will also add, that the associated guilt with asking is part of a spiritual conflict; rooted in societal conditioning, stemming from poor communication and a resulting poor self-esteem. It’s time to put that non-sense to end.

“Ask and receive” 

Asking Your Way To Success

Asking for what you want is one of the most reliable, easy and predictable ways to get more of what you want. It is one of the most powerful tools, yet it’s a challenge that holds many people back. Why? Because it takes expanding your mind, honesty, and transparent communication, all which many people fear.

Why You’re Afraid of Asking

It’s actually no mystery why we fear asking for things. Here are 5 of the most common reasons:

  • Ignorance– We are all ignorant in different areas, the cure is to face these blind spots. Otherwise, when we stay ignorant we staying in not knowing. Hence the collective use of idk. Here’s a truth bomb however — we only say “I don’t know” when we we’re too afraid to be honest. Not being honest about what we don’t know keeps us ignorant. The word ignorance simply means to ignore, to not look at or not face. Surely we could stay ignorant to things, but I don’t advise it. That’s because what we ignore takes control over us. We give power to what we ignore by what’s called “affirmation by negation“. Meaning, by resisting something we are essentially implying that it’s too powerful to deal with. The cure to ignorance is asking. When we ask, we take away power to what we otherwise ignore by being willing to confront and face. Because what we face and confront, we take back under our control, asking makes us wiser and more courageous. When we ask for things, whether that be asking a person, or the universe or GOD, we are confronting the unknown and opening up to learning what that unknown is. When we ask, we learn and find out what was previously unknown. This empowers us and increases our wisdom and knowingness. Here’s an example of ignorance you might be familiar — “If he loved me, I wouldn’t have to ask” Unless you’re married to Ms. Freakin’ Cleo or a full-blown psychic, you’re staying incredibly ignorant by making an assumption about someone else’s view. Don’t make assumptions; people are stuck in their own minds doing a million and one things and living through the eyes of their past. Be the wise one, strengthen your communication by asking and finding out.
  • We have limited thinking- Is there only scarcity in the world? The question in of itself is limited. Ask and you shall receive; if you ask a question you will always get an answer. Therefore, questions are always indefinitely more important than answers. You ask a question like, “Is there enough? Am I good enough?” and you’ll get equally as crappy of answers. If you start asking better questions, you’ll get better answers. “Is there abundance in the world? Am I greater than I think I am?” These types of questions bring different answers. It is our own limiting thinking — much due to the programming of society, family and friends — that limits our ability to receive. We have dogmas that asking is weakness. However, what I find in most people is that they’d rather die and suffer in secret than ask for help. Who’s really weak? The person too afraid to ask for anything because they are more deeply afraid to admit they don’t know, or the person of humility? Who embraces what they don’t know — thereby, increasing their intelligence with each question? Scarcity is self-imposed by limited thinking. Want a radical cure of limited thinking? Start asking better questions. Bigger questions, more often with more curiosity.
  • We haven’t learned to properly give- We can’t receive because we feel we can’t give. Asking is receiving, that’s it. When we ask, we are making a consideration to receive something. Asking opens us up for receiving. This is only troublesome because we fear we have nothing to give back. That however, is an illusion. Do your lungs fear asking mother nature for oxygen to breathe? No, they are happy to return the favor — they have no interest in greed and hoarding. If you are happy to give back, from where you receive you would feel no guilt. But what if what you have to give isn’t good enough?
  • Fear of rejection- We fear what we have to give isn’t good enough. Out of our insecurity we feel we’re not good enough; no one cares anyway, so why ask? However, let me ask you this, according to who? Really think about this one. Who the hell said what you have ins’t good enough? The television, the media, doctors, parents, kids at school? The reason we feel what we have isn’t good enough is because suppressive people make us feel inadequate. Then we simply take their word as the truth. There’s a good reason for this, insecurity sells. If we had a world full of happy, fulfilled and grateful people, there would be a huge drop in sales of cosmetics, plastic surgury, medications and more. True self-esteem, which comes from true self referral, would be the end of consumerism. That means in order to stand up to the illusions sold to us by society about who we are takes courageousness. Are you willing to be courageous enough to create your own truth, hold your own view and truly know yourself? I know you can.
  • We lack good communication- Most people don’t ask because they don’t even know how to ask! This is the result of the first four. We essentially lack good communication and therefore lack a good approach to asking. We’re out of touch with our preferences and have no sense of self. Without good communication, we lack the honest and helpful approach to asking. There is a process to properly asking for what you want. No, I am not talking about manipulating people. That is improper and dishonest. However, let’s be honest, without proper communication we can easily turn asking into a very awkward situation. When we know how to reframe asking it becomes fun and easy.

The Benefits Of Asking

  • It builds self-esteem
  • It builds wisdom and honesty
  • It’s the easiest way to receive anything
  • It makes you self-reliant

Learning How To Ask! Ask! Ask!

 “I chippy out everything that is not David” — Michelangelo

  1. What would you rather not ask for? Take time now to make a list of the things that you want, that you don’t ask for — be it from a friend, family, lover, school, work, or anyone else you can think of.
  2. Next to each one, write down how you stop yourself from asking.  What is your fear?  Next, write down what it is costing you not to ask.
  3. Then write down what benefit you would get if you were to ask.
  4. Then get out there and start asking!

Don’t prejudge or make assumptions that you are going to get a no — FIND OUT! Take the risk to ask for whatever you need and want because it’s just as much of a risk to not ask. If someone says no, you are no worse off than when you started.  If someone says yes, you are a lot better off.  Just by being willing to ask, you can get a raise, a new job, a room with an ocean view, a discount, a free sample, a date, the order, time-off, help with the housework, and more.

Helping You Get There

  • Get to know yourself– Start off each day by asking yourself what you want for the day. Build referral by first learning to ask yourself. There is power in asking others and asking a supreme being. However, these will render useless until you learn to ask yourself. Write in a journal each morning “what do I want for today?” Write down at least 6 things you want for yourself each day then proceed to pursue them. This builds self-reliance and makes you a better at asking others. How could you ask others, if you don’t even know what you truly want to receive? Get clear with yourself first and asking questions will become that much more clear.
  • Ask then shut up- This is probably the most effective tool for becoming honest. Speak before you think, and you’ll be sure to produce an authentically honest question. The more this scares you, the more you need to do it. Otherwise, you are strongly withholding. If you’re worried about being rude, no worries. Be HONEST first, if the person can’t handle your honesty that’s their problem. If you can’t handle your own honesty, you can always go back to suppressing your true desires and thoughts later. By asking and waiting for a reply you are less likely to ramble and manipulate or short change what you’re truly asking for.
  • Be open to possibilities- You cannot ask a question without receiving an answer. The universe must fill a void. When we ask a question, it’s the divine duty of life to respond. Ask the correct question and be open to receiving from infinite sources. You never know how a question will be answered, who it will be answered by and where from. Be open to receiving from anywhere at any time. Stay alert and aware and you will see signs from life all around you. There is no shortage of wisdom and answers.

I truly hope this helped you. But I’m not one for hopes as much as I am honest answers. I’d love for you to comment below and let me know if it did. Share it and spread the good word if so!

-Nick